My Spiritual Odyssey

by Edward John Kidgell ('edthekid' and 'saint ed')

CHAPTER 1 – GROWING UP YEARS

On 8 September 2009 I celebrated my biblical three-score-and-ten years on this earth. How much longer I have to live remains to be seen. At a guess I will still be around when the Lord returns for me and the rest of the saints on earth for I am in reasonably good health, allowing for the small aches and pains that affect my joints. As for my mind, I think it functions OK but there are those who would argue otherwise. However I must still love them for that is what the Lord wants of me!
Health aside, my continued existence depends largely on how soon the Lord is going to return, as I don't think I'm about to be run over by a steam roller. But I am certainly looking forward to the return of the Lord. That could be very, very soon – maybe even before I finish this chapter!
Like many another, I have suddenly been moved to share my life’s story. In my case it is with the hope of being of spiritual help to any who happen to read what I have to say. And with seventy years to draw on there is plenty to write about! In all fairness to any who might want to follow my life’s story, I must warn potential readers that my objective in sharing it is to glorify God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit.
I am an evangelical Christian; a ‘born again’ believer (or saint!) who is convinced that salvation is found alone in Jesus Christ Who said ‘I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No man will enter the presence of the Father except through Me.’ (John’s Gospel, chapter 14 verse 6). By the way, where I think it necessary I will be rendering the Bible verses I quote into words that I hope will make their meaning clearer, especially for those for whom the Bible is unfamiliar territory.
In sharing so as to glorify God I will be following the Biblical pattern of telling the story warts and all, not trying to hide any of my failures as a Christian. I want those who read my story to be encouraged and strengthened in their faith. At this point I am not sure what issues I will deal with as regards biblical doctrines and my personal history but, whatever I do write about, the purpose will be to teach the lessons I have learned during my spiritual odyssey. If you want to know what are the main lessons I intend to share they are about they will include:
1. The Love of God;
2. Salvation is through Jesus alone;
3. The guidance of the Holy Spirit is of paramount importance for all believers.
Once these three all-important factors are appreciated and applied then the last lesson becomes easy to grasp, namely
4. The necessity for Christians to practise and uphold unity in the body of Christ.

So there you have it; my reasons for sharing my life with any who read it. You will notice that my thoughts tend to jump around like a grasshopper as different things come to mind. However, whatever topics I cover and no matter how much I wander from one incident to another, the four objectives mentioned above will usually be linked. I will not adhere strictly to the chronological order. If, when relating a particular incident, I think it necessary to refer to something from earlier or later times so be it. This autobiography is not just about what happened, but also about my thinking at the time; how I viewed the events taking place in the light of my spiritual odyssey.

MY PROBLEMS WITH DEAFNESS

Deafness has had a huge impact on my life which is why I am going to spend some time writing about it. Unless you know where I am coming from you will not always appreciate why I did some of the things I did do.
I was born in a house in Stamford Hill Road, Greyville, Durban. The house is long gone. When I visited the site a couple of years back a large building on it housed a computer company. Thinking rather facetiously, I thought to myself that maybe I should put a plaque on the front wall to say that ‘Eddie Kidgell was born on this site: 8 September 1939’. That was because I remembered that there is such a plaque in Bloemfontein’s main street to indicate where J R R Tolkein, author of ‘The Lord of the rings’ and a few other popular books, was born. Oh, well. We can’t all be famous. However, although my name is not written down anywhere thought worthwhile by most people on earth, it is written down in the most important place of all: the Book of Life (Revelation 3:5; 21:27)! You might challenge me by asking whether or not I have done things that are impure, shameful or deceitful. My answer is: Yes, I have, but those sins have all been expunged from the eternal record of my life, washed away by the blood of Jesus, the Lamb of God that takes away the sins of believers (1 John 1:9)! More about that later.
I was born with normal hearing but lost much of it in both ears thanks to the doctor who attended me. I was about eighteen months old when I developed abscesses in each ear. The doctor apparently told my mother to put certain drops into my ears, which she duly did. Within a week both abscesses burst, perforating the ear drums in the process. That left me with about sixty per cent hearing in the left ear and much, much less in the right ear. Over the years that hearing level declined, and I was forced to wear a hearing aid in order to cope in life. My mother rejected the doctor’s suggestion that I be sent to the school for the deaf in Worcester, Western Cape. Instead, I went to a normal school. My mother took it upon herself to teach me to read and speak correctly which is why my speech does not sound like that of some of the other very deaf people one meets in life. When it came to reading, she sat me on her lap and spoke directly into my good (left) ear,making me repeat what she was saying until I pronounced the words correctly. I owe her much for the care she so loving lavished on me.
How did I cope with schooling? I have to admit that I battled. In my first two and a half years of school I did not wear a hearing aid. For the first two years I went to the Convent of the Holy Family in Pietermaritzburg, which is where Rosewood retirement complex is now situated. Fortunately the nuns who taught me were very helpful. They sat me in the front row of the class, and purposely raised their voices so that I could hear most of the lessons. Even so, I missed a lot, for I barely passed. In Grade 3 (Standard 1, back then) I went to a school called Harward Boys’ Secondary School. This school closed down some years subsequent to me completing my matric. For the first half of the year I still did not have a hearing aid. Again the teacher was very helpful, seating me at the front of the class and speaking loudly for my benefit. She was Mrs Pechey, and her birthday was on the same day as mine. When my birthday came around she had me stand in front of the whole class and had them sing for me. That was not all. Every year thereafter, right up to my matric year, she would send for me on my birthday and have the class sing for me – and her! I must admit I felt a bit shy about it but I could see she got a kick out of it, bless her.
At the half way mark in 1948 I came around midway in a class of forty pupils. It was then that my parents decided that I needed to wear a hearing aid. They took me to Durban to see a hearing aid acoustician, Mr Philip Kairuz, a real gentleman. I believe he became a Durban city councillor in later years. Philip fitted me with my very first hearing aid, a Tedelex. It was about the size of a pencil box and had wires that connected it to the earpiece. Altogether, it was a huge affair compared with the smaller yet more powerful ones that have come out since. In those days one of my aunts used to call me ‘Teddums’ (I loved my aunt but hated her name for me!) so I suppose a slogan like ‘A Tedelex for Teddums’ would have been appropriate! Today I wear an aid that fits discreetly behind my left ear, a wonderfully convenient piece of electronic equipment. Unfortunately that very discreetness means that many people do not realise that I am very, very deaf and tend to talk to me in a normal tone. As a result I often have to guess what they are talking about. Often I am repeatedly saying, ‘Pardon me. What was that you said?’
By the way, if you are talking to a deaf person wearing a hearing aid, don’t shout; that distorts the sound, sometimes forcing the deaf person to reduce his volume to the level where he or she almost can’t hear you at all. When talking to deaf people simply speak slowly and clearly, enunciating your words. It’s that easy! Incidentally, although acknowledging that I do have a hearing disability, I do not see myself as handicapped. Inconvenienced, yes, but not handicapped.
When the third term came around and I pitched up at school wearing a hearing aid I was something of a seven day wonder to my classmates. ‘Kidgell can hear! It’s amazing! That ‘deaf ou’ (Afrikaans equivalent of 'bloke' popularly used by English-speaking South Africans; rhymes with 'no') can hear with that thing in his ear!’
At first I was really embarrassed about wearing the hearing aid in public, and only wore it out of sheer necessity. That is why, during the school breaks (tea and lunch), I chose to not wear it; it was too embarrassing to have the whole school gawking at the deaf 'ou' wearing a hearing aid. The cord strung from the ear piece to the main aid in my shirt pocket was all too visible, unlike the in-the-ear discreetness that I enjoy today.
Embarrassing or not, that hearing aid made a difference to my academic progress. By the end of the year I was in the top five of my class and stayed there for the rest of my academic years in spite of turning out to be a very lazy scholar. In retrospect I wish I had been more diligent and goal-oriented during my school years. I was too casual about my studies and life; quite happy to take both as they came. This put me at the mercy of circumstances rather than that I had control of my life. For any young person who might read this autobiography my advice is: be diligent about your studies, and set goals to be the best you can be in your class and in life. It will be worth the effort! You will get out of life what you put in!
In 1958 I had a couple of operations on my left ear (I think it is called a ‘tympanoplasty’). The purpose was to recreate a complete eardrum in my left ear. Although initially it did provide me with better hearing (I think about 65 % of normal hearing), through the years since the operation my hearing has declined. Today I have virtually no hearing in my right ear, due to most of the inner workings being removed during a mastoid operation. As for my ‘good’ left ear, the level has dropped to less than 20 %. When not wearing a hearing aid my world is an almost completely silent one. My wife, Merle, does not know how much she talks to herself!
In conversations on a one to one basis I usually cope well enough but, like other deaf people who use a hearing aid , being in a voluble crowd or where there is a lot of music or noise makes it difficult for me to hear individual conversation or specific sounds. So I avoid crowds. It is because I generally get by with my augmented - but still limited - hearing that most folk don’t appreciate how difficult it is for me to hold a normal conversation. But don’t think I am downhearted about it. The Lord has blessed me in so many ways that I can’t complain about my hearing problems. In fact, there are times when being able to ‘tune out’ is a distinct plus in life!

Mastering my first musical instrument
I am sure that those who know me would not accuse me of bragging if I claimed to be a natural musician. Does that surprise you? A deaf musician? Is there such an animal? Well, you be the judge.
I have no idea how I got hold of my first mouth organ but I do remember that I was six years old at the time. The only music I knew was what we sang in church. No one else in the family knew how to play the mouth organ so I set about ‘mastering’ it, using a system that I was to use on other instruments in the future. (I can now 'play a tune'on Sax, clarinet, piano,organ, keyboard, penny whistle,piano-accordion, concertina, among others, and can actually read music and perform on brass instruments such as trumpet, trombone. As for guitar and mouth organ, I have performed in public playing 'by ear'. That can't be too bad for a deaf person!)
My system for learning to play a music instrument is very simple: play one song until it can be played faultlessly! The song chosen for mastering the mouth organ was ‘When the Roll is called up yonder’. At the time I had no idea that such a thing as ‘scales’ existed. My efforts were much like someone who grows up knowing how to speak a language without knowing the grammar or being able to read. To say that I played that hymn ad nauseum as far as my mother was concerned is understating the case. I probably played it hundreds of times before I could play it through without a mistake. I would start from the beginning and play until I made a mistake – then start again. My mother got fed up with me one day and said I should try some other hymn. But I persisted with ‘When the Roll is called up yonder’… and persisted … and persisted. Just six years old but already I was discovering that mastering something took practice. (In just the same way, living the Christian life takes discipline and consistent commitment to achieving maturity). I should have put the same effort into my school work. Why I did not is probably because school work was forced upon me whereas playing music was by my choice!
The practising went on and on until the day came when I played the hymn through without a hitch. Only then did I venture into the playing of other hymns – and found that I could play them without a problem! In retrospect I think the process took about two weeks, so it was not too long a burden for my mother. The other family members did not suffer at all as they were either at work or at school.
It was to be years later that I learnt to play a brass instrument – my dad’s old cornet. For those not familiar with the term, a cornet is a squat version of the trumpet, but sounds mellower. More about that in the next section.

Religious instruction
I will forever be grateful to the Lord that I received my religious instruction in an evangelical church, in this case The Salvation Army. Although most people see ‘the Army’ as a charity or social organisation providing help for the needy, or as a brass band and singers who bring Christmas music to all and sundry, it is much more. It is a part of the body of Christ that was raised up by God to proclaim the Gospel of Jesus Christ. That’s not to say I became a Christian early on in my years of attending the 'Army' Sunday school. In fact, I was eighteen years old and in my final year at school before I came under conviction that I was a sinner in need of salvation. No doubt the Holy Spirit spoke to me many times during my younger years but there was no response from me until the day I realised that if I did not change my ways I would end up in the place of torment forever.
The point I want to make here is that people can be under a ministry of sound gospel teaching, sometimes for years, and never respond to it. Like me. My father, ‘Snowy’ Kidgell, was the bandmaster and once I learned to play a brass instrument – I was twelve years old – I became a bandsman and had to sit through the morning and evening worship services every Sunday. So I had the opportunity of hearing the invitation to ‘get saved’ many, many times between the ages of twelve and eighteen. But those who do not realise how serious a matter it is to ensure that they are ready for eternity are usually indifferent about making right with God. Often people are led away from seeking God’s forgiveness through wrong thinking that going to church and doing ‘church things’ is sufficient to book a place in heaven. The scripture on this says: ‘By [the] grace [of God] are you saved through faith [in Jesus Christ]; and it is not thanks to your own efforts at being good; God offers salvation as a free gift, that is, it is not as a reward for your works [going to church, reading the Bible, offering up prayers], so that you can’t boast to God that you managed to get it right by yourself!’ (My paraphrase of Ephesians 2:8-9). There is no way in the world that any of us can make ourselves right with God by our own efforts! Those who make this mistake are going to hear the dreadful words spoken by Jesus in Matthew 7:21-23:
‘Not everyone who says to me, “Lord, Lord”, will enter into the kingdom of heaven, but only those who do the will of my Father in heaven [i.e. that is, by putting into practice God’s commands which are: to listen to His Son when He tells us that He alone is the way to the Father as in Matthew 17:5 and John 14:6]. Many will say to Me on that [Judgment] day, “Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?” Then I will tell them very clearly [that doing good works in my name does not mean that you are saved, therefore] “I never knew you for you are not one with Me. Get away from me, you sinners!”’
Very clearly good works done in the name of Jesus are no substitute for humbling oneself before Him in acknowledgment of one’s sinful state and asking His forgiveness. Nothing else will get you into heaven. Just because you go to church and hear the gospel expounded clearly does not mean that you are saved, or are going to get saved. Getting saved is a matter of realising your sinfulness and need of forgiveness and actually reaching out to God for it. He is always ready to forgive the sincere penitent, but the penitent must know he needs forgiveness if he wants salvation, and must ask for forgiveness. And it does not only happen while listening to a sermon. There is a process called ‘coming under conviction’. This is the work of the Holy Spirit. He uses sermons, Bible readings, or even the testimonies of friends, to make us aware that we are sinners who have no place in God’s kingdom. Once we realise our sinful shortcomings as pointed out by the Holy Spirit we must act on that conviction by asking God to forgive us, and accepting the salvation He freely offers.
Let us look at the example of the thief on the cross as related in Luke 23:39-43. The thief acknowledged his sinfulness and asked Jesus to ‘remember him’. That simple confession of sinfulness and petition for help was enough to wipe out his sins and to open the door into paradise. No catechism, or long years of service for God, or doctrinal correctness was needed. Just an acknowledgment of his sinfulness, and his humble request to Jesus for help. While we don’t know much about him it was clear that he recognised Jesus to be divine with a kingdom to go to. This, too, is necessary.

My views on how to become a saint of God
In this and the following sections I will share how I came to be a child, or saint, of God. (There are over sixty references to the ‘saints’, i.e. the Christians, in the New Testament alone. Acts 26:10 is one such).
Right at the outset I want to make it clear that I do not believe in a ‘gradual awareness that I am a child of God, having always believed in Him from an early age’. This was the view of one commentator that I remember reading about. To my mind that sounds like someone saying he became a Christian piecemeal, much like a baby being born in parts, first a leg, then a few days later out comes one of the arms, and so on, until after a couple of weeks all the parts of the child have emerged and been put together. Or, as if God, in writing the commentator’s name into the Book of Life, puts in the name a couple of letters at a time until eventually, after some months or years, the whole name is written in. If I sound facetious I apologise, but I am seriously trying to make you think about this. There are two reasons why I am trying to convince you that being born again, or ‘converted’, happens in an instant.

Why I want everyone to believe that conversion happens in an instant
Firstly, conversion, as I have shown, just cannot be a long term, drawn out event. It does not make sense, to me anyway. Either you are a Christian or you are not one. While there might be stages in one’s understanding of what it means to become a Christian, there are no stages in the actual change from being a non-Christian to being a Christian. I don’t see any scriptures supporting that concept. Your name is either in the Book of Life or it is not. Either you are ‘born again’, ‘born from above’, or you are not. To me it is that simple. Let’s look again at the thief on the cross mentioned earlier. One moment he was a ‘lost soul’. The next, following a simple acknowledgment of sin and a need for a Saviour, he is assured by Jesus that he is going to end up in Paradise. No gradual change in spiritual status; it is immediate.
Let’s tackle this matter from another angle. I’m sure you will agree with me that a man is made up of body, soul, and spirit. In broad terms, the body is the tool whereby man interacts with his environment; the soul (the ‘natural’ man) allows man to commune with other men; and the spirit enables him to commune with God. There’s no problem about understanding the body and soul part, but when it comes to the spirit we have a problem. Our spirits are either dead or dormant (let’s not fight about words) and need to be ‘quickened’ before we can appreciate spiritual matters and connect with the Spirit of God. This is how Paul describes the situation:
But the natural man does not grasp the things of the Spirit of God: they are foolishness to him: nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned. 1Co 2:14
There we have it. The things of God can only be discerned spiritually. From birth men are operating under the control of their natural man, so they do not, in their hearts, relate to spiritual matters. It is the reason why unsaved men do not appreciate who God really is. And they will not know Him until their spirits are quickened, that is, they are ‘born again’. Only then are their spirits made alive. It happens when they confess their sins and receive forgiveness. Once spiritually cleansed their spirits are alive to God; only then are they fit to commune with Him; only then can His Spirit indwell them (Acts 2:38). In writing to the believers in Corinth Paul reminded them of their changed status with God:
‘Don’t you know that you are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwells in you?’ 1Co 3:16
In concluding this first point I must point out that the quickening can’t be gradual, nor can the entry of the Holy Spirit into us be a long term process. That is why I am convinced that conversion is an instant affair.
As for my second reason for believing that conversion happens in an instant I want to refer again to the words of Jesus quoted earlier from Matthew 7:21-23:
‘Not everyone who says to me, “Lord, Lord”, will enter into the kingdom of heaven, but only those who do the will of my Father in heaven [i.e. that is, by putting into practice God’s commands which are: to listen to His Son when He tells us that He alone is the way to the Father as in Matthew 17:5 and John 14:6]. Many will say to Me on that [Judgment] day, “Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?” Then I will tell them very clearly [that doing good works in my name does not mean that you are saved, therefore] “I never knew you for you are not as one who is with Me. Get away from me, you sinners!”’
Notice that these people made a confident claim to having a master/servant relationship with Jesus in which they called Him ‘Lord’. They also, to the best of their knowledge and belief, were busy doing the sort of things that the Lord told the disciples to do, that is, prophesying in the name of Jesus, driving out demons in His name, and performing many miracles, presumably thinking they were doing so in His name and by His power. Yet Jesus rejected them and all they supposedly did for Him, saying that He never knew them! Yet He assuredly does know His sheep as we read in Joh 10:14 ‘I am the good shepherd, and know my sheep, and am known by those who belong to Me.’ Those who know Him can only be those who have His Spirit indwelling them; those who are born again.
Why will those people be rejected? Obviously because they were mistaken about their status with God. I believe there are many supposedly ‘Christian' ministers and their congregants, who are going to hear those dreaded words from Jesus simply because they did not humble themselves before God, confessing their sins and asking God for His forgiveness and salvation. In their ‘natural’ thinking these ministers and members realised that there is a God to whom they must one day give an account of their lives. Very commendably they wanted to be on His good side, so they went about doing the sort of works that they expected would please Him. But all such ‘good works’ are done ‘in the flesh’, by the ‘natural man’, and not according to the guidance of the Holy Spirit (for He obviously does not indwell them).
You can only please God by doing things His way. Those who do things by their own abilities are trying to do them without God’s help or guidance. In a sense they are showing God they can operate without His help. But God does not need or want us to show what we can do for Him; He wants our submission to His will. The only way we can please God is to first get right with Him by being born again spiritually. Then only, under the guidance of His Holy Spirit within, will we be led to do those things that will please Him, and will be known to Him by name. Only for those who hear His voice will there be no fear of rejection of them or their works on the Judgment Day! It is for this reason that I hope you can see why I want everyone to believe that salvation, or being born again, is an instant thing. Besides, read John chapter 3, especially verse 3 where Jesus makes it clear that we must be 'born again' if we want to enter the Kingdom of God.

When ‘Christians’ are not Christians
I believe that when someone who is supposed to be a Christian is not born again and not following Jesus as the only way to God, strange practices will emanate from them on their supposedly ‘Christian’ walk. Here’s how I believe we can identify those who purport to be Christians but are not and so will be rejected by Jesus on the Judgment Day. Based on John 14:6 some of my guidelines (not comprehensive) for identifying the unsaved ‘Christians’ (including ministers, deacons, workers), are:
1. They do not accept the whole Bible as God’s infallible word (more in this in a later chapter), choosing from it what they want to believe. Given that they are not guided by the Spirit of truth (John 14:17 and Romans 8:9) there is no way they can know what is truth. It is from these ‘Christian ministers’ that we have such spiritual aberrations as: rejection of the Virgin Birth; the concept that ‘all religions lead to God’ thus rejecting Jesus’ claim that He is the only way to God; condoning the practice of homosexuality, giving rise to ‘gay bishops’ with male ‘partners’; and arguing against such doctrines as the existence of Hell; Judgment Day; and the prevalence of sin in man;
2. They tend to preach and practise a ‘social’ gospel in which community and individual upliftment is undertaken in place of preaching the gospel of salvation from sin. This is what ‘good works’ is about. They substitute social activity for the gospel because they are not getting out of their ‘Christian walk’ the blessings they would have were the Holy Spirit living in them.
Please note that I am not against homosexuals (or drunkards for that matter); only against the practice of it. In various Christian magazines and in some testimonies I have heard of those who once were homosexuals (or drunkards) but who stopped being such when they became born again. They realised that practice of homosexuality is sinful, for as soon as they became born again the Holy Spirit Who now indwelt them warned them against the continued practising of it (1 Corinthians 6:9-11). I repeat, it is the practice of homosexuality (or any other sin) that is the problem. So when I hear about gay ministers who live with male partners I am convinced that they and their partners will hear Jesus say: ‘I never knew you; get away from Me, you evildoers!’


My conversion, or how I became ‘born again’
So how and when did I become a Christian, a born again believer? In spite of hearing the gospel clearly preached as a bandsman in The Salvation Army in Pietermaritzburg through a number of years I was not converted there. That was not the fault of the preachers, but rather had to do with my lack of awareness of the need for personal salvation.
In order to play in the band I had to be at least a junior soldier (a young member). Somehow I was able to convince everyone that I understood all about the way of salvation and was ‘saved’. This made me eligible for junior soldier status. Now junior soldiers are supposed to ‘give their testimony’, however short it might be. Nobody seemed to notice that, apart from definitely always being very short, my ‘testimony’ was never given in the first person. That is because I did not want to lie. My 'testimony' usually went along these lines: ‘Take Jesus to be your Saviour and you will be sure of going to heaven, Hallelujah!’ Needless to say I only gave my ‘testimony’ when called upon to do so. I was not saved; not indwelt by the Holy Spirit, so I was not able to spontaneously testify to the saving and keeping power of Jesus Christ.
Churches operate on very similar lines, so it is regrettable that far too many young people grow up without ever getting to know Jesus in their hearts. Maybe in their heads, but not in their hearts. Some like the religious activity so much that when they enter adulthood they continue going to church, and even enter the ministry, without being saved. Others tend to regard religion as being no more than a good habit and sometimes stop going to church. Then there are many who reach adulthood with no desire to ever go to church again, regarding it as a waste of time except for weddings and funerals. That is because they have not tasted the true joy of having a life-changing experience that takes place when they accept Jesus into their hearts as Saviour and Friend. Fortunately some do get to the point, as I did, where you know that although you can readily afford to live without Jesus you cannot afford to die without Him!
What happened to me was what happened to many another young person. I reached the point where I began to regard religion as ‘old hat’; as something for small children (they can listen to the cute Bible stories) or old people (they are too old for the weekend sports). I wanted to join in with the activities of my friends; I wanted to be part of the ‘in crowd’; I wanted to enjoy the normal (Christians usually spoke of ‘worldly’) pleasures they did. Actually, in retrospect, I can say that as far as I knew they were not a wild bunch in that there were no drugs – apart from the rare one or two who smoked marijuana – but some did drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes, and use foul language. Wanting to be one with them I also began smoking and using foul language, the “F” word very prominently. Because of awareness of the dreadful results of alcohol abuse from the testimonies of former drunkards who had been gloriously saved and were living clean, on-fire, lives for Jesus, I never took to alcohol in spite of having sampled an occasional mouthful. I believe it was the Lord Who caused me to dislike the bitter taste of all alcohol.
By this time I was in my final year of school. I was wearing a Salvation Army junior soldier’s uniform and playing in the band on Sundays, and wearing a school uniform and swearing and smoking through the week. As any thinking person would do, I began to see that I was being hypocritical, especially when the preacher touched on swearing and bad habits. Back then many Christians regarded smoking as a really sinful habit. The double life was starting to get to me. It was around then that my late Aunt Flo Harris was having young people’s fellowship meetings in her home on Wednesday nights. I will always love and appreciate her. She was a sincere Salvationist who was always doing what she could for her Lord right up to the day she died. She was not in uniform but her heart was right, unlike me. I wore the uniform but I was not right with God.
Anyway, the meetings were started to be of encouragement to young people, many of whom studied at the University of Natal (now Kwa-Zulu Natal) around the corner. About twenty to twenty-five met in her lounge each Wednesday night to enjoy a sing-song and a message. Afterwards my aunt – a great home caterer – provided refreshments. I knew her cakes were wonderful, so when she invited me to come along to the meetings I readily accepted. When she mentioned that there were some pretty girls from varsity attending the meetings I was even more determined to go along.
That first Wednesday night around July/August 1957 I enjoyed the cakes and the cool drink and also the friendliness of the young people. The leader of the group, Don Holgate (who later prayed with me when I was born again), played the piano accordion while the crowd sang the choruses with great gusto. But something else caught my attention that night. I could not help noticing the vibrancy of their testimonies and the joy on their faces as they sang and shared. That night I realised that I did not have whatever motivated them – and wanted it!

Steps to salvation
The second Wednesday that I went along I focussed more on the real purpose of the meetings – to promote Jesus – rather than on the girls and eats. After a couple more Wednesday meetings I was determined to have whatever it was that gave those young people such joy. By now I was very aware that I was a sinner in God’s eyes. In fact, I thought I was such a bad sinner that I felt it necessary to ‘clean up my act a bit’ before I could speak to God about getting right with Him. I was about to discover that without God’s help that is impossible; there will always be a falling down spiritually speaking. Anyway, that weekend I realised that I could no longer pretend to be a Christian – going to church and looking holy on Sundays while willfully sinning through the week. By now I was also strongly aware that I did not want to end up in Hell. Something had to give so I decided that, as a first step, I would stop swearing and smoking.
After one of those meetings, I think it was the one held on 16 October, 1957, Don chatted with me after the meeting. I was sitting astride my bicycle when Don sprang a question on me: did I have Jesus in my life? I was too shocked to speak coherently. After a few stunned seconds I replied with something that sounded like ‘Mfffmffmm” then rode off like crazy on my bicycle, speeding all the way home. Long afterwards Don said he could never figure out what I said that night!
All the way, as I rode, I realised I was not saved, in spite of many years of Sunday school, Sunday services, and Friday night youth. Now I must make something clear. It’s not that The Salvation Army failed me. It was a case of me not being quite ready to see my need of salvation. Only when I became hooked on swearing and smoking did I begin to see myself as a sinner. It was only then that I came under conviction about my sinfulness and need of salvation. Thanks to clear teaching in The Salvation Army I knew that my parents being Christians did not mean that I was automatically one myself! And I had heard enough preaching to know that I was bound for the lake of fire if I died at that moment – unless my life changed quickly for the better. But I felt so filthy with sin! How could God simply accept me like that? I convinced myself that I first had to do something about cleaning up my act. That, by the way, is another of Satan’s ploys to stop us from getting right with God. I was planning to do the impossible: I made up my mind that in the week ahead I would live a better life by not swearing or smoking. I was going to come clean in my own strength. To put it bluntly, that was mission impossible, for only God can give the victory over sin.
That week at school, from Monday to Wednesday I tried to control my words, to not use foul language. But trying to obey God in my own strength and on my own terms is not acceptable to God; it is not what being a Christian is about. The result was that I failed to stop smoking and swearing. It was what Jesus meant when He said: ‘Without Me you can do nothing’ (John 15:5).
By Wednesday I knew I had failed. Every second word was a swear word. As for smoking – I was more addicted than ever! I was getting nowhere with this 'self-aid to holiness' story. In later years, while collecting money for charity I knocked on the door of the home of a man who was the treasurer of one of the Jewish congregations in Johannesburg. It was on a Friday evening. I noticed that the maid opened the door while he stood by. I told him I was collecting funds for one of our homes. He told the maid to go and get some money and give it to me, which she did. While she was away, I asked him about himself. He told me about his involvement in the synagogue; that he obeyed the laws of God such as not working on the Sabbath. That was the reason he did not open the door or get money out for me. The servant had to do those ‘work’ activities because it was the Sabbath! Surprised, I asked him how prepared he was to meet God. He promptly replied, ‘Oh, I estimate I am about 90% right with Him’! I was intrigued by his answer, but I am glad that Jesus has taken away all my sins and I am now, and will always be, 100% ready to meet my God. It is not about me being superior in any way; it is about Jesus Who controls me. I give Him all the glory.
That Wednesday night, before my conversation with Don, a Mr Turner brought the message to the group that had met at Aunty Flo’s house. All I can remember about it was that he challenged us to get right with God or face a lost eternity. By the way, although Aunty Flo was a Salvationist the meetings were open to all denominations. Don was at that time a Baptist, as were most of the speakers, including Mr Turner. There were Methodists, charismatics, and others.I was the only Salvationist young person there.
Mr Turner’s message must have hit home to me. He said he would pray with anyone who put their hand up. I was sitting on the opposite side of the large lounge from him, with some others sitting in chairs in front of me. My hand sneaked slowly up – to shoulder height. No one saw it, so I went away without making right with God. But that was the night when Don had asked me if I was right with God. I couldn’t say ‘yes’, so mumbled and sped off. But I now knew the truth about myself – I was a lost sinner in need of salvation.
For two more days I was in spiritual agony – ‘what if Jesus came now? What if I was killed in an accident before I had made right with God? (I was yet to learn how gracious and loving God is!)
The next couple of days – Thursday and Friday – I continued even more desperately to at least get a little bit more right with God, but the swearing and smoking never stopped. That Friday evening, instead of going to The Salvation Army youth that night, I arranged to meet Don at the Baptist Church in Chapel Street. After the other young people had left I told him I wanted to get saved. He was only too glad to pray with me until I had received Jesus as my Saviour. I think the date was 25 October 1957. I know in my heart that that night I became a child of God and that my name was written down in the God’s Book of Life.
It was after years of full-time service for Jesus, all the while struggling to preach about Him, that John Wesley finally came to realise his own need of salvation and was gloriously saved through the ministry of the Moravians. He described the experience in this way: ‘My heart felt strangely warmed’. Well, that night I knew something had happened in my own heart. It was not only that I saw the world as a more wonderful place, or that I was now full of God’s love, but it was something that I was to identify in the week ahead. It was that God had entered into my heart and was now in control of my life.Ihad become a 'new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17)!
That next Sunday after my conversion was the first time that I really understood the preaching and thoroughly enjoyed the services. The following day, Monday, I was a bit shy about telling any of my friends at school that I was a Christian. So I said nothing, although something inside me was eager to tell them. However, on Tuesday, one of them came to me and said: ‘Hey, Ed. You’re different!’ Surprised, I asked him: ‘In what way am I different?’ He replied: ‘You’re not swearing any more!’ Only then did I realise that what he said was absolutely true: since Monday morning I had neither sworn nor smoked!
This was my opening. ‘That’s because I have become a Christian.’ The news spread rapidly through the school. Years later one of my classmates, George van der Merwe, who later became a Full Gospel minister and has now entered Glory, told me that it was my conversion that led to him becoming a Christian. The thought was: ‘If Kidgell can change, then so can I’. There were others who also changed, which shows that we are all under scrutiny whether we realise it or not.
I was so full of the experience of becoming a Christian that I had not given any thought to my swearing or smoking. That I had stopped without effort on my part was clear proof that the Holy Spirit was now guarding my tongue and my habits. In an instant, at a specific moment in time, my life changed as I became a born again Christian. The Holy Spirit had come into my life and taken control. Where I had tried for a whole week to stop swearing and failed, the Holy Spirit did the job in an instant.
Through the more than fifty years since my conversion I have not always allowed the Holy Spirit to have His way in my life – and had many problems as a result – but God the Holy Spirit has never stopped living in me and striving to help me grow in Christian maturity. Believe me: He’s still very busy with me!
Do you need to know more about the Holy Spirit indwelling believers? Read the first letter of John chapter 5. And if you do not yet know Jesus as your Saviour here’s a simple prayer to guide you into becoming a born again believer:
‘Father God, I come to You in the name of Jesus Your Son, and confess that I am a sinner who is not worthy of dwelling in Your Kingdom. I believe Jesus died on the cross to take away my sins so that I can live with You forever. I confess that I am a sinner, and accept Jesus as my Saviour, and ask that Your Holy Spirit will help me to make Jesus Lord of my life. I ask this in the name of Jesus. Amen.’
If you have just prayed this prayer, believing with all your heart, then you are a child of God! Your next step is to ask the Holy Spirit to guide you into getting in touch with an evangelical minister with a growing church. You will learn many doctrinal issues from what I will be writing in the future as I continue sharing my spiritual odyssey, but it is good for you to have fellowship with other born again believers. If you still need help don't hesitate to contact me.

In the chapters that follow I will be sharing my views on certain doctrinal issues that confront the church – the church as in the whole born again community – and how you can avoid some of the pitfalls that I came foul of.

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